Everyone knows that jinxes are real, just like curses and spells (But not hexes. Hexes are bullshit.)
The most powerful jinx that exists is the dreaded Sports Illustrated cover jinx.
By now, the story of the origin of the SI cover jinx is a cultural touchstone, but to recap: On November 10, 1967, Sports Illustrated placed Vikings quarterback Fran Tarkenton on their cover. Four days after the issue hit the shelves, Tarkenton spontaneously combusted. And the jinx was born.
So imagine my shock when I visited my local newsstand this morning and spotted this:
Shit.
Inspecting the issue, I realized that there was no awkward, multi-thousand-word Cleveland anecdote collection by Joe Posnaski. Perhaps we were in the clear!
Alas, it’s not the Posnaski jinx. It’s the SI cover jinx. And at this point, it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of how. Here are your odds:
Lebron and Shaq are hit by the same lightning bolt. 1,000,000:1
Shaq’s Enlyten diet drops him to a Kate Moss-esque 85 pounds. 1,000:1
The Cavs are turned into mice by an evil Wizard (DeShawn Stevenson?). 500:1
LeBron quits basketball to focus on his acting career. 100:1
Mike Brown turns back into old Mike Brown. 5:1
At least they did not make the cover of Madden 2010. There is still hope. Cavs are the William Wallace of Cleveland…they are the last hope right now to save us from the tyranny of sports mediocrity and a tanking local economy.