After dispatching of D. Wade and the Heat last night, King James issued an edict:
“I just think what Michael Jordan has done for the game has to be recognized some way soon … I feel like no NBA player should wear 23. I’m starting a petition, and I’ve got to get everyone in the NBA to sign it. Now, if I’m not going to wear No. 23, then nobody else should be able to wear it.”
Boom. Done.
Here’s a list of the NBA players who currently wear #23, and why they shouldn’t:
Marcus Camby
You hear that, Clipppers? You’ll get a chance to retire your first number!
Devin Brown
Devin Brown wears a HUGE headband. Comically large. Have you seen it? It makes him look like a cartoon. Michael Jordan was involved in a few cartoons. But Devin Brown is no Michael Jordan.
Jason Richardson
Jason Richardson won back-to-back All-Star Game Dunk Contests. He’s the only player to do that other than Michael Jordan. Big fucking deal.
Via J-Rich’s Twitter:
Way to know your role.
C.J. Watson
C.J. Watson should change his number to 3.4, his points per game.
Toney Douglas
Toney Douglas’ brother, Harry, plays for the Atlanta Falcons. They’re one of only six pairs of brothers to play in the NBA and NFL.
What a unique, cool story! Now find a new number, rookie.
Louis Williams
Lou Williams is pretty good, I guess. But his website looks like it was created in 1998, and it’s sponsored by Zaxby’s Real Chicken:
Martell Webster
According to Wikipedia, Martell Webster’s nickname is ”The Definition.”
As in, “Martell Webster is The Definition of a below-average NBA player, and therefore looks silly wearing Michael Jordan’s number.”
Kevin Martin
Kevin Martin is sponsored by Nike brand Team Jordan.
I don’t see Michael Jordan signing up to be sponsored by Team Martin.
Jodie Meeks
Jodie Meeks’ website hasn’t been updated since he was in college. Neither has his highlight reel.
Byron Mullens
This guy hasn’t played one minute in the NBA.
Wesley Matthews
Wesley Matthews is the son of NBA journeyman Wes Matthews. I thought that maybe Wesley Jr. took the number because his dad wore it, but that’s not the case, as evident in the following picture of Wes Matthews being murdered by Xavier McDaniels:
See? He’s #1!
Stephen Graham
Stephen Graham is listed as “Stephen Graham (basketball)” on Wikipedia, behind the guy from Snatch.
Nobody confuses Michael Jordan for any other Michael Jordan.
now all they have to do is retire 34 in football and 8 in baseball and the Pro Star’s numbers will be forever sacred.
No, no no. The Pro Stars were Jordan (#23), Bo Jackson (#34), and Gretzky (#99). But you’re right, we should retire their numbers from all sports because of that show alone.
What about the number three for Dale Earnhardt Sr.? Or the colors for that stupid horse that broke it’s leg and had to be shot on-track at that stupid horse race.