We’ve all had some fun at the expense of the Mangenius this season. But, after a lengthy discussion with Cleveland Frowns, I realized that Browns fans’ anger and sarcasm is misplaced. Including my own.

After some soul-searching, I came to the following conclusion:

Eric Mangini will be the true savior of the Cleveland Browns franchise.

Here’s why:

1. Eric Mangini Doesn’t Make Excuses

Eric Mangini is a straight shooter. He shoots from the hip. And his hip doesn’t make excuses.

So, yes, he’s going to call out the Detroit Lions when they fake injuries to win football games. Becase that’s a fact, and facts can’t be excuses, because they’re facts.

Here’s another fact, courtesy of Mr. No-Excuses: “I think a lot of teams that were 4-12 or worse last year have one win.”

Dear reader, you might be saying, “Matt, that sounds a lot like an excuse, and a shitty one at that. I mean, look at the Cincinnati Bengals, who were 4-11-1 in 2008. They’re 7-3 this year! Or the Detroit Lions! They were 0-16 last year and, this year, they beat us! And all of the other teams who were 4-12 or worse are about the same, except us! We got worse!”

Okay, maybe that’s an excuse. But most of the time, Mangini is a straight-shooter.

2. Eric Mangini Has Core Values

Ask any intelligent football connoisseur and they’ll tell you that every team must have a rock-solid set of core values that they live by. These core values are even more important than things like “scoring touchdowns” or “winning football games.”

As listed on the Cleveland Browns website, here are Eric Mangini’s core values: 

a. Communication

Mangini is a master of communication. Have you heard his press conferences? No discussion necessary there.

b. Focus

Eric Mangini demands focus of his team, and, in turn, focuses on his team. Sometimes, he focuses so hard on his team that he forgets about things like properly filing injury reports. That’s not negligence. That’s focus.

c. Finish

Eric Mangini knows the importance of finishing. Like when he finished his honeymoon with his players by forcing them to take a 10-hour bus trip from Cleveland to Hartford, Connecticut. 

d. Trust

Players trust Eric Mangini. Yes, two players have already filed grievances against Mangini this season, and yes, the NFL Player’s Union is investigating complaints about Mangini’s practices, and yes, he fined a player $1,701 for failing to pay for a $3 bottle of water, but this is all just early turbulence on the ultimately smooth ride to Trusttown. 

As I’ve clearly laid out, Eric Mangini is a man of principle.

3. Eric Mangini Is Not Afraid To Turn On His Friends

Listen, “trust” will really only get you so far. Sometimes, you need to look out for yourself. And Eric Mangini is a master of that.

Here are his core values for professional success:

• Rat out your old boss.
• Snipe one of your former colleagues.
• Throw your good friend under a bus.

See, we need a coach who demands trust and selflessness of his players, not one who exhibits those characteristics in his personal or professional life.

4. Eric Mangini Is A Winner

In the NFL, the bottom line is wins and losses. And, by this metric, Eric Mangini has been a success.

/Checks Eric Mangini’s head-coaching record.

/It’s 24-34.

/Shit.

Okay. Here’s why that this record is misleading:

The Browns are 1-9 right now, but, as stated earlier, Mangini inherited a 4-12 team. So let’s leave out the records from the years in which he inherited teams.

/Does the math …

/He’s 13-19.

Hmm. Okay, but when the Jets were 4-12 in 2007, you have to keep in mind that Chad Pennington got injured early and never returned to form. It’s unfair to judge Mangini by that year’s record.

Oh! And in 2008, when the Jets failed to make the playoffs after an 8-3 start, it was because Favre got old! So strike that one.

There!

/Calculates …

/0-0!

He’s undefeated!

Now, aren’t you thankful we have a (Man)genius as our head coach?