INT. RANDY LERNER’S OFFICE — DAY

Randy invites a guest over for a good chat …

Read With The Browns!

Several Browns players participated in the Cuyahoga Country Public Library “READ with the BROWNS” program. But the books they selected–with titles like I’m Mighty and Hooray For Fish (Quinn’s pick), seem a little too upbeat for a team the Plain Dealer described as statistically worse than the 1999 expansion Browns. Here’s what these guys should be reading:

INT. APPLEBEE’S ® — NIGHT

The Manginis go out for a romantic dinner…

The Moose From Scappoose Is Back

INT. ERIC MANGINI’S OFFICE — DAY

Mangini paces his office/bedroom. Mangini: These morons lived through four years of Butch Davis, then another FOUR FUCKING YEARS of Romeo Crennel, and now they want to fire me after only three games? We’re not even to the bye week and I’M THE WORST NFL HEAD COACH HIRE IN 25 YEARS? ARE YOU SHITTING ME, JOE PO-WHATEVERYOURNAMEIS? I’M A MANGENIUS! Mangini collapses in a [...]

INT. ERIC MANGINI’S OFFICE — NIGHT

Mangini stands next to a chair which has been placed under a ceiling fan. He ties a noose. Mangini: Rex Ryan beats Belichick with my old team while my new team makes the Broncos look like the ’85 Bears. I haven’t seen my wife and kids in four months. The whole league hates me. And [...]

Possible LeBron James Swensons Hamburgers

Last night, Bron-Bron appeared on The Daily Show, and Jon Stewart attempted to lure the Chosen One to New York with a bag of burgers from a place called Shake Shack–no doubt, some overrated, hoity-toity Manhattan bullshit. Stewart also revealed that LeBron is a big fan of Akron’s own Swensons, the greatest hamburger drive-in in the free world. Listen up, Swensons, and listen good. [...]